All Grown Up

Family photos. They count. They always count. They count when your babies are all new.  And you’re so proud of how they can hold their head up by themselves, and you’ve picked out two perfect outfits, because you know they’ll poop and spit up all over the first one. They count when your toddlers are running around and when you’ve about given yourself an anxiety attack getting them wrestled into their car seats and now you really owe your husband because this is his exactView full post »

Don’t Blink

When you have tiny babies all swaddled up in blankets, old heavily perfumed church ladies are free with their advice.  Don’t blink.  They say.  Before you know it, they’ll be grown.  But you wish you could blink.  You wish you could stay blinked.  You wish your eyes could just stay closed.  Just stay closed all night…  Please.  Just one night of sleep. But then, somehow, that passes.  You don’t think it ever will, but just like the church ladies said it would, it passes.View full post »

Backyard Magic

We’re together in a magical place. I put my hand in yours. We climb the trees. My foot goes where yours goes.  You won’t let me fall.  You catch me when I’m up too high. We don’t have to go far to find adventure.  We bring it with us. Into our own backyard.View full post »

Prepared

I. I was prepared for you to not know me.  I was prepared when I decided to come see you anyway.  I was prepared when I packed my bag.  I was prepared when I stepped on the airplane.  I was prepared when they wheeled your tiny frame down the hall to me when I arrived at the center where you now live.  I was prepared for you to not know my name.  I was prepared. I was not prepared. I was not prepared to see the wariness behind your eyes when you looked at my face.  The uncertantity I saw thereView full post »

Still Dancing

They met on a San Francisco street.  He was on shore leave during WWII with some of his Navy buddies, and she was out for a night on the town with her girlfriends.  She dropped her handbag.  He picked it up.  That’s the end of the story, and the beginning of the story.  In that moment their lives ended, and a new life began.   My grandparents’ beginnings could not have been any more different…  She was a trained dancer, an artist and a beauty queen.  Every six months a seamstress came toView full post »

Beautiful, Beautiful, Beautiful. Beautiful Boy

He sees you…  Like no one else sees you. It’s almost unnerving. This child.  This…  little watcher.  In only a tiny glance he takes your measure.  He instinctively know the things…  the things you don’t tell, the things you can’t tell.  That you couldn’t tell if you tried. Jack know the things.  All of the things.  And somehow, miracle of miracles…  He reaches for your hand anyway.  He is open to you in a way that your heart longs for. The way theView full post »

The Cub Scout Cake

There are times…  Times when it all falls down around your ears.  Not in the real, earth shattering way.  Not in the horrible phone call kind of way, or in the car wreck way, or in the life altering medical diagnosis kind of way.  Those things happen too, but that’s not what I mean.  I mean, just life.  When day to day life just seems to unravel.  Yes.  These kinds of days happen.  I’m convinced they happen to us all.  And do not, do not, do not, do not.  Do not ever tell me that God doesn’tView full post »

The Stage is Set

When I was in my early twenties, I wanted to be at the end.  The end of my story.  I was overwhelmed.  Afraid.  Terrified, even.  I didn’t see this exciting chapter as an adventure full of potential.  I saw it as a field of landmines.  No road signs.  Barbed wire.  One wrong misstep and I would blow my whole life.  I just wanted to be  past all of the choices.  I wanted to look at all of those decisions through my rear view mirror.  Serenely.  With wisdom and peace.  I wanted the big decisionsView full post »

We Dance

We always ring in the New Year with a dance party.  Only…  It isn’t REALLY ringing in the New Year, because we only pretend that it’s midnight.  Because we are old, and we are crotchety, and we would rather do it at 8:45…  and we are the grown ups at this party, so we will do it how we darned well please.  There is J.T.  There is Stevie Wonder.  There is Michael Jackson.  Chris and I perform a duet to Prince’s Kiss that would bring the house down, if the house had any taste or sense.  But alas,View full post »